You have heard great things about Postgres 18, but you just haven't had time to look into it. Sure, you want to learn more, but sitting through a bunch of slides sounds like a chore. What you really want is to see the features in Postgres 18 in action, so you can figure out what will help make your users (and you!) happier with as little work as possible. I'm Robert Treat, and I've put together a whirlwind tour of new features available in Postgres 18. I think I know what will help you get the most bang for the buck, but if I am wrong, we can choose the features that you want to see most. That's right, there are no slides in this presentation, not even an about-me slide; we're going straight into the database to help you learn what options will help you make the best case to get you upgraded.