Software projects are chaotic, exhausting, and full of surprises. And quite frankly, that’s exactly how it should be. After all, a bit of order would only spoil the fun. Still, there are always people who believe that projects can actually be made successful… unbelievable, right?

To make sure that doesn’t happen to you, this talk will show you how to reliably drive a software project into the ground in 10 simple steps. The “golden anti-patterns for maximum project damage” are not figments of my imagination, though. No, they are practiced every single day in the real world with impressive consistency. And the best part: their effects are long-lasting. Some of these patterns only unleash their full destructive potential months later.

Once you’ve learned all the rules, you can decide for yourself: Do you want to keep applying them, or perhaps change something after all?

However, if you leave this talk inspired to embrace one of these anti-patterns even more consistently in the future… then we urgently need to have a chat afterwards.