Remember when we built systems without spinning up seventeen microservices before breakfast? This session is your permission slip to step off the cloud hype treadmill and breathe again. We'll explore how the "cloud all the things" mentality has led us into a labyrinth of unnecessary complexity where simple problems now require doctoral dissertations to solve. Through humor, war stories, and uncomfortable truths, we'll rediscover the radical notion that boring technology often works better than the shiny new thing everyone's tweeting about. Attendees will learn practical strategies for cloud detox: when to embrace cloud services that genuinely add value, when to choose the simplest possible solution, and how to explain to your CTO why you're not containerizing the company blog. Join us for this intervention on cloud addiction and leave with a renewed appreciation for intentional tech choices that won't require weekend pager duty.