The origins of Microsoft Analytics are shrouded in controversy, but we can be certain that Microsoft Fabric will soon become an apex suite of analytic tools. While some may believe that Fabric was created in May 2023, this presentation proposes a theory that a historical evolution of many Microsoft tools converged into Fabric to meet customer demand. Ancestral software ranging from the commonplace to the bizarre will be reviewed and discussed in the context of Microsoft Fabric. You've all heard of SQL Server and Excel, but what roles did ProClarity, Access, and Datazen play in the evolution of Fabric? How did Microsoft analytic tools emerge from on-premises and begin existing in the Cloud? In order to explain the context of the tools currently in Fabric, this presentation will attempt to provide an entertaining history of how Fabric came to be. Over the last few decades, many tools have existed in the Microsoft stack, some of which became Fabric, and others which were evolutionary dead ends. For those new to Fabric, understanding the past provides content for the present and future.