Java is a mature, Enterprise-ready language, right? Not when we're done with it! Buckle up and get ready for some things you should ONLY try at home. Up is down, left is right, comments are executable, identical things aren't equal, and "final" isn't as final as it seems. We'll explore these topics and more, with no point other than to have fun exploring the dark corners of what is possible when you actually read the Java Language Specification.