Ever felt like your Git history is the scene of a gruesome crime? Have you ever seen commits so messy they should be classified as felonies? In this darkly humorous session, we’ll explore the most heinous Git crimes—from rebase disasters to merge conflicts so brutal they could be featured in a forensic case study.

Through the lens of a "how-to" crime guide, we’ll teach you all the wrong ways to use Git—force-pushing straight to main, rewriting history with reckless abandon, and covering your tracks with git commit --amend—before revealing how to actually clean up your act and become a model Gitizen.

Come for the crime, stay for the redemption. By the end, you’ll be armed with the best practices to avoid Git-related homicides in your projects.

🔪 Warning: This talk contains traces of bad puns, git horror stories, and practical advice disguised as satire.