Every cloud ships its own GPU taints, network plugin, storage class, and "don't forget this annotation" footgun. Most platform teams respond by forking their config per provider; and then nobody can answer "what driver version is actually deployed to prod in GKE?" without running Helm or kubectl against a live cluster.

In this talk, we'll show a criteria-driven recipe model (service × accelerator × OS × intent × platform) that generates Helm bundles for EKS, GKE, AKS, OCI, and CoreWeave from one library and a jq-style selector grammar that queries the hydrated result like a database. Live: three commands, three providers, one diff exposing exactly what's portable. Then one-line command answers the same question across every environment without touching a cluster.

Attendees leave with a pattern for cross-cloud GPU configuration that auditors, FinOps, and SRE can actually inspect: no per-cloud forks, no write-only GitOps repos.